The irony of our life and times. Photo stage right that is your regular left is a picture captured at Christmas time 2011; (and) I thought I was just taking a picture of my brother Prince for the sake of just snapping a picture per the occasion. He said it was his first Christmas tree. I am so glad that I went over there that night. So glad now in looking back that I made the effort. I could not have gone over there had the Lord not placed it in my heart. The children were there too. I even remember buying the tree it was on mark down clearance like a Charlie Brown Tree. I said I got to get it for my brother and I have just enough; the children and I hooked it up for him. I had no idea that I was archiving the life and times of his last year alive. My God, how mysterious how strange is the eye twinkle change.
I am just now coming to terms with the sudden demise of my eldest brother Prince Edward Richardson – motion of discovery somewhere between July 16 and July 17 2012. The Lord saw fit to rescue him for good from all the tormenting spirits that haunted his being day and night. O my God, he is still on my voice mail. (Rest in peace big bro I know you are with the Father of Lights above I know you are donning a white garment washed in the blood of the Lamb and that you are no longer suffering; that your name is not even Prince any more your earthly name but you have a new name now too so brand new that only you and the Father knows it. That you are fully redeemed. I know you are with the Lord Himself; that he received you into his sheep fold with loving arms brimming with tender mercies.) Amen. (I will be sure to tag all of that spiritual knowledge so the reader of this blog page can know I didn’t make any of that up.)
I began to tell this story a year ago. And I see now God is requiring it of me for He has made me a witness to these things now matured. My brother suffered from the horrible dreaded disease of bi-polar schitzophenia. I mean, I know some of us have a little bit of madness looming inside of us i.e that be the whole world but my brother he was extraordinarily special. So special that his life could never be in vain though that was one of his last sentiments to me. (Be patient and I will explain if you have a bout a week to follow up in consistency for it is always a journey.)
(My God this is painful and I didn’t even know that was on the tip of my heart’s tongue. I see now that this thing has only just begun) The suffering he endured in this lifetime has to be for a higher purpose for there is no glory in becoming a statistic to the mental health community.
As I already let on, I began this blog last year albeit with his permission i e. the archive blog “my brother gave me permission to say this much.” Created him a Facebook page too. But then I stopped. Due to an unthankful spirit and simply not understanding what was the Lord doing to me and in my life which lead to stagnation and even weariness. Thought others were mocking me, laughing at me, talking about me behind my back. “O my goodness what is she doing now? “Girl, did you see that post?”
“She is a distraction.”
Now I see it was all the enemy doing that to me a terror reign laying siege in my own mind which is where the battle ground truly is. Which was pretty true and even cruel – the judgments I got just for entertaining such a topic and through my own bloodline, mind you which made it twice as risky. Hey what would people say? She must be loony too. People can be so cruel to those who suffer from mental illnesses. I believe the Lord called them palsies. No one commented they shied away from me altogether. So I was right the whole world seems prejudices when it comes to such commentary total rejection city which I discovered only exasperates such a condition. The stigmatism behind the reproach of a condition that whom suffer are not even responsible for. It is almost always something genetic related in the blood line.
Now, looking back, I have records of that too but my thing is why would I care? And why did I care…then? Candidly, deep down, I was just as prejudiced and saddened. But then there was a part of me that reveled in being so close to my brother the stares and our outings sometimes I felt like just saying, “What the hell is every one looking at? You never seen a paranoid schitzophrenic before with his sister out at the park enjoying a walk like normal people? Bloody niaves!”
That was one of the things we would do in the beginning. In the beginning, after he came to live with us, I would take him out to the park real early in the morning when the sun was just rising before it got too hot right after I would drop the children off to the Freedom Camp across from the Museum. This park called Schiller Park in German Village; our childhood playground. Any how, we would have Bible Study there on a park bench in the shade. He said he really appreciated that. I would walk him though the scriptures and he would find comfort and he would be okay for the day. This was truly a special grace given to me by the Lord himself whom is the God of all grace. Amen. I thank God for this experience because it is as hyssop to my soul. A purging of sorts. A lesson in proverbial wisdom.
I see now how much courage it takes to go forward and well at the time… I had no understanding as to why the Lord was allowing all of these. Dare, I call them diverse temptations which I am supposed to consider them all joy, right? According to the Bible I am. So I should have known then that it was just for a season. But how can we know other than we just trust and obey which is an act of God in itself. Of course, now I see God was absolutely guiding my course. He knew… he knew being our Maker how I would respond; that I would take the pictures and write the journals -( which I am going to share with you because they are not mine, they are the Lord’s) Moreover, because plugged into the matrix or not, that is what he designed me to do; to record. Unfortunately though at the time it was happening I had no understanding I was only being lead by His Holy Spirit of His love which takes all of the above.
Connected by blood; us being sister and brother there was already an earthly bond – a blood covenant of family but hey don’t look at me like I could not have know this until now. However at the time because of bouts of discouragement because I had no understanding of what the Spirit has just now revealed to me in retrospection, I fell off dramatically not understanding the fullness of what God has called me into. I was merely jesting I suppose not fully committed upset and candidly speaking burnt the heck out doing things in my own strength. The irony of everything is that I had thought time and time again about beginning my brother’s blog back but I was stumped as to what to say I was thinking,
“Oh yeah, let us do an update as to where his life is now vs how it was when the Lord let our paths cross again for the first time in 20 years. Now I know why I was having that thought. I am learning a crash course in the wisdom and sovereignty of God.
The awesome thing is I am glad so very glad that, well this statement I am going to say in the most down- to- earth, meek-like and honest way possible and that is somehow God preserved my heart just right so I could obey his voice and go down that street one day and see about my brother. It is not as if I have any righteousness of my own. None of us do. It is the sure evident mercies of God that kept me in my heart so to God be all the glory. It is going to be with great pleasure and respect – the re-launching of this blog –
the life and times of a paranoid schitzophrenic – Prince Edward Richardson. Hey watch it! That’s my brother we are talking about so tread lightly for it written a bruised a reed he will no wise crush.
Here’s to the beginning of the end of a life worthy of commemoration for greater purposes surely – a personal rewind journey.
In Honor of my eldest brother Prince Edward Richardson R.I.P. June 13, 1963 – July 16 2012. Me and the children brought him beef fried rice, (via special request) a twelve pack of Pepsi from, vanilla cup cakes with blue icing and strawberry ice cream for his last earthly birthday.
Baby Sis Jessica Mae
July 24, 2012@8:24 a.m.